Friday, 3 August 2018

A Year On

So, it's probably not actually been that long a length of time, but it feels like ages since I did a proper, what's going on? life chat here on the blog. Although this year I've talked about my break-up, meeting some new, thoughts on PTSD, my self-love journey and my recent weight gain (that's actually a lot of stuff I've talked about, huh?), it's actually been over 7 months since I sat down and did a bit of a life-lately blog post, and boy, things have changed since I talked about feeling in a rut.

I'm still feeling tired, but I'm nowhere near the level of emotional, mental and physical exhaustion that I was at back in December. I've been creating content left, right and centre (although much of it is set to be seen by you lovely lot), and OK, I took a two week break in July where I was feeling a bit shit, a bit unmotivated, and considering upping my anti-depressants dosage, but let's not forget that I did full month in May of daily blogging and I didn't fuck it up or run out of steam. That's honestly one of my biggest accomplishments of the year.

I'm still not friends with some dickheads I thought I'd be good pals with and honestly? I'm pleased as fuck. I wasn't sure how to disentangle myself from certain people who'd been in my life and who I felt were giving me some negative and toxic vibes and it turns out I didn't really have to do anything. That's just how it is. I've still been spending loads of drunken nights out, most recently my friend's last flat party which she threw as she is heading down south to take up a job there for at least a year. My friendships with the few pals I do have are stronger than ever and my friendships with work colleagues have been blossoming, which isn't a bad thing.

Oh, I joined the gym again, woop.

Me and Jack broke up, obvs, which is one of the biggest differences between now and December's update post. I also had a great time with my brother and his friends at his wedding (and wrote a damn good best man's speech if I do say so myself), and, well, I didn't get the supervisor job I applied for but I'm actually not that bothered, haha. I did my blog makeover (I'm still in love with it) and got my banner done (I'm even more in the love with that), and...

Then there was that thing. That ugly, ominous thing I honestly never thought I'd share in public. It's that thing that's made life a bit hectic in the last year, and it's that thing that will have a really good outcome but in the meantime, is tough and long and difficult to endure. It's been a year since my parents decided to divorce, and I don't want anyone to get this wrong, obviously, I'm not gonna go all about my parents marriage on the internet, but put it this way, a divorce is for the best. I'm excited to have a sense of stability again when my mum and I move into a new place together next year and are finally able to get us a pair of cats (yes! TWO cats!), and I'm hoping that it will lead to everyone being happier - I know my mother and I certainly will be, but it's difficult right now to say anything about my dad.

Has it been negatively affecting me to a degree in the last year? In particular those first six months afterwards? Absolutely. But it's settled down now and I'm feeling so much better about things. It's one of those things I didn't just randomly want to discuss and the only time I had planned on mentioning it is when we moved and I'd have a new filming background. I was worried that if I just announced it out the blue, people would respond pityingly, when in reality, it's for the best and I'm looking forward to beginning a new chapter.

For me, 2018 has been all about new things. New friends; new creative ventures; new makeup creations; tackling things via newness - like starting counselling, and going on antidepressants. I'm sure there was more stuff, but I can't remember it right now *face palm*

So, y'know. Here's where I'm at, but I got this. Don't worry about me. I'll be sure to update y'all when we finally get to our new place (which is potentially a year away), as I'm hoping to do a lil' house tour thing and maybe start doing some vlogging again. In the mean time, I've got plenty of projects to keep me busy and I've got a counsellor to help me process all this terrifying newness.

Bring on a new home, cats, and some proper stability.

IT Cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC Cream • Seventeen Skin Wow! 3 Way Highlighter • Essence Camouflage Concealer •  Freedom Pro Brow Pomade 'Soft Brown' • Fenty Beauty Match Stix 'Amber' • CYO Cosmetics Bronzing & Illuminating Compact The Radiant One 'Fair/Medium' • Topshop Highlighters 'Horizon' & 'Crescent Moon' • Makeup Obsession London Correct Concealer 'White' • Primark PS Bride Tribe Bridal Face Palette (large highlight pan) • Zoeva Cocoa Blend palette 'Bitter Start', 'Sweeter End' & 'Substitute for Love' • Essence Lash Princess Volume Mascara • OCC Ready to Wear Lip Tar 'Sebastian'

Side note: make-up in this post was inspired after watching 30STM 'Rescue Me' video.


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