Friday, 11 May 2018

On 'Soulmates' & Meeting Someone Post-Breakup

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I've never ever been one for the concept of soul mates. Whilst I think people can absolutely be together forever, be happy, and not regret the decision to stay with the person they continue to love, I've never been behind soulmates for a couple of reasons. I've always seen soulmates as something 'beyond' a romantic partner. Any partner of mine should expect to carry out some best pal shit, meaning if I call them, I expect a phone back. If we make plans, I expect them to be carried out, and if they cancel, I need 24 hours of notice. The idea of a soulmate being simply a romantic partner AND best friend is weird, because that's just what I look for in a partner, so the dictionary definition of a soulmate is, to me, not a soulmate. When people talk of soulmates, they talk of someone being their other half - of completing them and being the same person.

As an individual, and someone who values their individuality and who craves time alone, the idea of my partner being the same person as me absolutely horrifies me. One of my best friends and I are extremely similar, and even if our sexual preferences lined up for us to be a couple and we were into each other that way, there's no way we'd make a good pairing. We're too similar - and it's not that often that I enjoy the company of people similar to me. I love to have things in common with someone, but I'm an extremely fiery individual. I'm constantly stressed, usually somewhat pumped up over something, and I tend to rage over things I can't control. As a result, I crave the company of somebody who is water, someone who will keep my head on my shoulders and have a more relaxed approach to life that counteracts most of my own actions and thoughts. 

This is what made me and Jack a fairly good match - our completely different approaches to things - although, yes, as expected, it could sometimes serve to cause conflicts between us in matters that were more serious than me whinging about my day. Still, our differences in our natures, coupled with the fact that he never let me walk all over him, made him seem like the best companion I could ask for. Obviously there were cracks, and those ultimately led to our failed relationship, but despite this, I still look for some similar traits. Since we dated, the idea of being with someone who doesn't challenge me from time to time or who rants about things they can't change as much as I do, just doesn't appeal. 

To put it bluntly, I hate the idea of dating someone who is the same person as me. I honestly don't see the appeal at all. For as long as I can remember, I've been attracted to guys that were my opposite; those that were outgoing; had large social groups; were comfortable and collected; and those that were generally calm and never really mad about stuff, and I guess what I'm saying is that just really hasn't changed.

The last few months of my past relationship, and the breakup, led me to feel completely let down and that my trust was broken, as I don't tend to put faith and trust in people very easily - something which comes with the territory of being a bit of a pessimist and someone that's been disappointed and hurt more than their fair share, I suppose. With Jack, I went in headfirst and that was never really an issue for us, but since the break up, I didn't really expect to feel comfortable with someone again for a long time, so it feels somewhat odd to write and to put out there, but I've actually met someone that I like. It's bizarre to laugh with them and share my life with them in a way that's a little bit different to how I do with my usual friends. We aren't dating and that's OK. I'm learning to have some trust in people again, feel comfortable, and laugh with them and that's incredibly important to me and is a way that I can grow as a person in the aftermath of my breakup.

Pre-Jack, I spent most of my time single and in flings, and I'd often have fun meeting people. The idea of a relationship didn't appeal to me that much, only in very very few cases, with aforementioned ex being one of them. I think this is part of the reason I don't want to spend too much time single. For me, it feels like I've been there and done that when it comes to the flings and meeting people. I've been ready to feel settled and safe for a very long time, and that hasn't really changed since the breakup. I know I can't plan for this kind of thing, and I know I need to spend some time on myself before I go jumping into anything, but I do feel happier in a relationship. I love sharing my affection, spending lots of time on someone and getting to know everything about them. I'm someone that holds back on the affection and feelings and certain topics of conversation, so, for me, it's kind of a big deal having a partner, as it's someone I can show my whole other side to.

Despite the fact that I know I can't and shouldn't immediately jump into something, I'm glad that I can take comfort in the idea that I can find somebody again. I don't expect to be alone forever, and after my time in a relationship, I can safely say that it's something I thoroughly enjoy and want to experience again. Being somebody who keeps a lot to themselves and who doesn't like to place too much trust in other people, and who loves to spend time alone, it really comes as a rarity when I can find someone whose company I enjoy and feel comfortable with. It feels like eight months since Jack and I split, not five, and I personally feel like with a little bit more time, I'll be ready.

Until then, though, I'll be making the most of having someone in my life that I can get to know from scratch; show slivers of my other side to; and just have a lot of fun and laughter with.

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