Wednesday, 30 May 2018

On My Recent Weight Gain

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jeffree star lavender snow skin frost, velour liquid lipstick self control

It's no secret here on my blog that I've battled with my weight pretty much my entire life. It's one thing that I've been open about from fairly early on, and I still want to maintain that openness and honesty, even if there is a day where I become fully comfortable in my own body. I've struggled to love it from a young age, and that trend has mostly continued as I've gotten older. Although I've come a long way in recent years, I still feel there's a long way to go.

With so much going on  in my life since last year, I found it all building up to a point where, during December last year, I couldn't keep up the pretence anymore and opted to take time off work to try and begin to sort myself out (more on that here and here). I'm lucky enough that I live at home and still have this option, and so I ended up spending just over three months off work. For my mental health, it did wonders. I'm now seeing a counsellor, on medication, and doing my best to put myself before anything stressful. 

It wasn't until about February that I noticed the weight I'd put on since I wasn't physically active and sleeping away the best part of three days of the week (meaning I ate a lot less!). To say I was displeased to notice the expansion of my waistline would be an understatement - I'm gutted that my formal high waist trousers are just that little bit too snug to feel comfortable wearing out, and I also can't button my Missguided red vinyl skirt, something that I've been dying to wear but have had to wait for the warmer weather to arrive before I could. I'm trying not to be too hard on myself about the weight gain - I know that in June when I'm fully back to work, I should be able to drop the weight again without too much hassle, but it's defo put a bit of a dampener on my self-confidence, and has made getting ready in the mornings much more of a hassle because I find myself despising the way 90% of my clothes sit on my newfound shape. 

In the last year, I found myself liking my figure much more than I had in a very long time. I felt feminine, and I felt cute. I have a bum, I have boobs, and I had a waist. I'm looking forward to getting that shape back, although I do feel I need to try harder as well about getting back into shape. It's all very well relying on work to help me gain back my figure, but I know I've been hugely slacking in the exercise department, and the weather has been lovely here the last couple of weeks, so I really don't have any excuses.

In addition to my being off work, I've also found myself eating out more and ordering more takeaways - with friends, not when I'm alone, tbf who wants to cook when you're with pals? - and I'm also aware that one of the more 'serious' side effects of the anti-depressant I'm on is weight-gain, so I know that there a number of factors contributing to my new (and hopefully temporary) figure.

Although I'm unhappy with the way my body currently is, I'm hoping that in time I'll be able to shed the weight and return to how I looked and felt before my time away from work. I don't want to be stuck feeling this way about my figure, but I know that I need to make changes myself and I can't just hope my waist will pop back to how it normally is without any effort. I've been eating more salads and less carbs at home, since the weather has been much more pleasant, and I am looking at taking on a primarily keto-diet, one like RawBeautyKristi has, and I'm hoping that this will help me to shed some pounds. Lastly, with the weather improving, I want to try and get out on my bike more often, something I really miss!

On my weight gain, I know it's not the end of the world. I know that I've not suddenly become unattractive overnight, but I do aim to get back to how I was. I do try to love my body and not just lose weight because I think it'll make me happy, but in this case, I know I'll feel better if I can drop back to the figure I had before.

jeffree star lavender snow skin frost, velour liquid lipstick self control

jeffree star lavender snow skin frost, velour liquid lipstick self control

IT Cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC Cream • Essence Camouflage Concealer • Collection Lasting Perfection Concealer • Soap & Glory Hocus Focus Instant Visual Flaw-Softening Illuminator •  Jeffree Star Skin Frost 'Lavender Snow' • Jeffree Star Velour Liquid Lipstick 'Self Control' (lips topped with Lavender Snow, too)


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