Wednesday, 27 September 2017

The A-M of Me!

amanda jayne, a-m of me, a-z of me tag, get to know me,

I don't know what spurred me to do this post today - I just thought it would be something casual and chatty for me to share with you. I loved filming the TMI tag recently (still to be uploaded I believe), so I thought it would be cool if I continued with this 'get to know me' sort of theme and carry it onto my blog by doing the A-Z of me challenge! Obviously I'll be doing letters N-Z in a second post coming next month, so stay tuned for that - I wasn't sure how long this first post would be so tried to keep it bite sized by splitting the post into two.

Let's get started, shall we?


I'm 100% an Aries. I'm stubborn, I'm moody, I'm bossy and I'm generally a bit of a dick. But I'm also honest, fairly confident (or I pretend to be, I'm never sure which), I'm fiercely loyal to loved ones, and I consider myself passionate about the things I truly love and care about. I take star-signs with a pinch of salt - I don't ever read my daily horoscope and although we are opposites, I don't believe Pisces and Aries are incompatible in the slightest since my boyf of two years is a Pisces! That all said, I do think it's eerie how alike I feel I am to an Aries in some respects.


This is still one of my favourite game franchises of all time. The Borderlands series opened up the world of gaming to me - I've always dabbled in it but it's one of the first games that I truly loved in recent years and spurred me on to purchasing my own Xbox. I've always loved the idea of getting a Borderlands tattoo at some point - a good few years ago I was gong to get the logo on the back of my arm above my elbow. Now I'm not sure what I'll get, if I ever get one at all, but I doubt my love for the games will ever die. I prefer to play co-op with somebody, I admit, but it's a heap of fun and the art style and design of characters, backdrops and weaponry is stunning!


If you're new here, hi, I'm Amanda and I'm 100% a cat person. I love their fuzzy heads, their nuzzles and their jelly bean toes. Also, they are the best inspiration for memes.


Whilst I'm a cat person through and through, I do love me some doggos. I dream often of owning my own sausage dog pupper one day in the future, but they are pretty expensive floofers so I'm probably gonna end up just being a cat lady 4 lyfe.


I admit that I'm an emotional person, and this is something that I'd have denied if you'd asked me five years ago. I hated showing emotion, hated feeling it, but after gritting my teeth and bearing the worst of depression followed by PTSD and anxiety, I came to acknowledge and be open about how emotional I am. I openly cry at sad films; I have public meltdowns (not that I'm pleased about that); and if I'm having a shitty day, I can't usually hide it. I am emotional - and I should be! I'm human, after all.


I feel like I talk a lot about FNAF but I never really talk about why I like it so much, and truth be told, I couldn't tell you exactly. Whilst Slender and Cry of Fear were what drew me into the world of horror let's plays, my love only grew stronger with the releases of games like FNAF and Layers of Fear. I'm normally a psychological-horror lover, but FNAF is so intriguing. There is always more questions to be answered and there is always more terrifying animatronics waiting around the corner. There is so much backstory and lore that I only recently decided what version - since, does anybody really know for sure? - of the timeline makes sense to me (thanks to Treesicle!), and the fact that I'm constantly left confused and with more questions seems to be why I'm so addicted to consuming more and more story and scraps of information.


Do I really need to explain this one? Garlic baguettes are life.


I really love horror and the macabre. I like creepy stuff and weird stuff and dark stuff. I love the supernatural and I love jumpscares and tension. I love YouTubers who talk about unsolved disappearances and I'm a sucker for watching the let's plays of any and all horror games. If it messes with your head then that's all the better - films like 1408 and Identity are masterpieces IMO and I really want to be able to incorporate horror elements into my own art, be it writing or painting. I'm fascinated with the genre as a whole and whilst I feel wholly uneducated in the realm of horror books and movies, I'm determined to get a bunch of the latter watched on Netflix now that winter is approaching and the days are gonna get darker and more miserable. HMU with film and books suggestions if you have any!


I am irritable pretty much 24/7 and it's part of the reason why the idea of meeting bloggers IRL freaks me out. It's not that I don't want to be friends and I think I'd probably be fine, but I don't want my resting bitch face or my dry humour or impatience to come across. They are real traits, they're part of me and I'm human, I know, I'm far from perfect. But I have such a complex about what people may think of me (it's such a weird I-don't-care then 180-ing to shit-I-kinda-do kind of thing) that between my anxiety and my worry that I may not be good enough or people won't think I'm as nice or whatever as I am online, I really wonder if I'll ever be ready to do the likes of events. 


The biggest pain in the ass but also my entire world - this sentence pretty much sums up my feelings on Jack, haha. I have grown so much in recent years and learned a lot from him, and although we've had our moments - 2017 has been emotionally and mentally stressful for both of us -, I'm really happy we're still together. I don't want someone else in my future if it isn't Jack, and I'm glad to say that I whole-heartedly adore him, even when he's pissing me off. I'm glad he is mine, and I'm excited for our future together - something that has recently become more real now that he's told me his parents are gonna help out whenever we buy our first home (although I'm not ready for all that adulty shit so maybe give it a few years!).


(Only kisses from Jack). Kisses are my favourite - I'm a very affectionate person and just want to cuddle or hold hands or be kissed on the head all the time. I feel very neglected without any of these things, so you can imagine how much my irritability increases when I don't see Jack all week!


Although I've come to the conclusion that I'm not really made for let's plays (I am not loud and silly enough), I love watching them and have done since my late teens. They are an endless source of entertainment from me, and most nights I'd rather watch a long let's play series than Netflix. I've been influenced and grown with so many let's players, and it's really cool to feel like they are still a part of my life even when everything is changing and growing around me. When I was signed off work with PTSD, I relied heavily on Jacksepticeye, Cryaotic and Markiplier to keep up my spirits, which they did so with ease, and I still turn to them now on crappy days, with MatPat, CinnamonToastKen, CrankGameplays, Dawko, Muyskerm, 8-BitRyan and LordMinion777 to help too. (Just in case you were looking for people to watch, eh?)


One of the biggest YouTube influences in my life is Markiplier. I watched his Slender (8 pages) video when I was 18 and continued on to binge watch his entire Cry of Fear series which birthed not only my love of let's plays, but also of horror and this funny and adorable American gamer. It's insane how much Mark has grown in recent years, and I'm so happy he is as successful as he is because he deserves it - he is dedicated, kind and generous, and I find him to be so contagiously uplifting, smile-making and freaking happy. Also, that voice. *melts into pool of girly slush* He admits to not being perfect, but he is a huge inspiration to us all. Edit: I RECENTLY BOUGHT TICKETS TO HIS YOU'RE WELCOME TOUR IN NEXT YEAR AND I'MA CRY ON THE DAY.

That's a wrap for the A-M of me, guys, stay tuned for the part two coming in October! Let me know what your opinions are on some of these things - do you share any of my loves and traits? 


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