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The Thing About Jack

Saturday, 21 October 2017

I've used my blog to document a lot of important things this year - especially when it comes to feelings. Last year I was hesitant, releasing personal posts only here and there. This year I've tackled my fear of never overcoming the need to self-harm and be self-destructive; the fact that a doctor has never diagnosed my depression; and, of course, the bumps and hiccups in my relationship with Jack. While there is loads that I'd never say online to the strangers of the internet about he and I - individually and as a couple -, I do like to document the wins, the lessons, and some of the hardships. 

I've been thinking a lot about our relationship lately. Not so much by choice, but because of my mindset. I've been living in a very dark, heavy place lately where I feel insecure about, for example, disagreements, and I find myself over-analysing things I wouldn't think twice about when I'm feeling more myself. I wouldn't pin any of this on Jack because he isn't acting any different than normal - but I am overcome with anxiety on every aspect of my life right now - our relationship included.

And while I think about silly little things, I also think about the bigger picture. The dream of being house-owners; of living together; of having our own fur kids. The idea of coming home to him after a long night at work; of hanging out watching NCIS at night on the couch; of playing video games together on our days off. Small things that give me a lot of hope and happiness and something to look forward to. Recently, Jack and I were talking about alcohol and I mentioned my old reliance on it as a bit of an emotional crutch - I drank to forget; to feel lighter; to feel better. I drank because I didn't care about me. After some back and forth, in a surprising twist I didn't expect, Jack told me he was proud of me for resisting all the self-destructive shit I used to do. It was one of those things where I figured he was probably proud of me, just like my mum would be, but he hadn't said it - it says a lot that these days I am the emotional one in the relationship haha! It was a simple statement and nothing elaborate, but hearing him say it just hit home all the things I'd been thinking lately.

A few months back I wrote in my black poetry book. A book mostly filed with pain, anguish, broken hearts and fragmented souls. I realised I had not written enough about the man who somehow, despite my doubts and cynicism, managed to bring me back from the edge. So I thought I'd share that here. An open letter, if you will, to Jack. 

(Be warned, it's very mushy and sickly, ha!)

*  *  * 

I thought I was done here, in this black book of what is mostly pain. but I have not written enough about the man who does his best to make it all stop. My joy, my heart, my one and only. It turns out that, although the fairy tales aren't exactly true, they were based on real life. Joy exists. Love exists. Just be patient. This isn't a poem, but a hidden letter to the man who makes me cry tears of pure happiness, of love, and even, sometimes, of frustration (cos you're still the biggest pain in my ass). Sometimes I can't take all the emotion I feel. After years of burying it, pushing it way, deep down and never even letting it see the light of day by refusing to acknowledge it, I am suddenly overwhelmed with how much I feel, and how intensely those feelings burn. Thoughts of wedding bells and a life shared together; of spilling out any and all secrets and past mistakes and things I could do better; the idea that you are what and who I want to wake up to every day, and sleep next to every night; and the fact that it is you whose soul I wish to bare everything to and share every part of me with... these are things that overwhelm me and bring me anxiety and worries on my dark days, but also love and happiness and warmth and excitement. These are things that can sometimes bring me to tears - in a very, emotionally overwhelming way.

We are not perfect. We are flawed individually, and flawed as a pair sometimes. But despite the worries that my troubled times bring, I will not bend or retreat - I have, most days, overcome my fears. And thanks to you, I have overcome a lot more - like my addictions. Your smile is enough to make my day, and there is nothing that could possibly compare to your laugh. It makes me feel truly lucky.

I love you.

This I knew long before I voiced it, when we stood in your kitchen and you asked me why I was staring at you. I remember later telling you, in not so few words, it was because I couldn't imagine a life without you anymore. And back then, that for me was odd and unfamiliar territory.

You are my biggest challenge, but with you I am home - your eyes are a comfort, keeping me sane; your arms the warmth and safety I constantly seek. You are the missing piece I spent five years searching for. You're the man who gave me a future I never knew I had when he brought me back from the edge. You are my world. For everything you've done for me, I thank you. I hope we get to celebrate these victories for a long, long time to come.

My Formula for Writing an In-Depth Beauty Review

Wednesday, 18 October 2017

Ever since I wrote my first in-depth beauty review on this blog (about the LA Splash liquid lipsticks, if you're wondering as it's now no longer live), I've stuck by a strict plan of what to include in my reviews. I don't know about you guys, but I really don't like to read a review post that tells me that it's good and it's [insert number here] quid. Soz, but that's not a review to me! Each to their own but I find informative reviews to be the best - EmilyNoel83 on YouTube is by far one of my favourites to watch for her reviews. So, I thought today I'd share my formula that I use every time I write a product review. I think this generally covers the gist of a product - but who knows? Maybe others think this isn't in-depth enough. I hope this helps and gives you a rough guide in what kind of things you could include and write about in your review, and what to perhaps look for when testing out the product!


You want to include the most basic of basic info here. Include where to buy, the price, what the product is supposed to do, and all the the technical stuff like packaging and product size.

  • Where to find it
  • Price
  • Any update versions & differences
  • Claims
  • Shade range
  • How much product you get
  • Packaging


Now how does the product work? How does it last? Give us the nitty gritty on just how well your product performs.

  • How it applies and feels
  • How it wears
  • How easy it is to reapply
  • Inconsistencies in shades
  • How each shade applies
  • How shade looks in the tube vs real life
  • Any complaints


This part is essentially a summary where you quickly round up the pros and cons and tell us if you'd buy the product again, and if not, then why not?

I hope this helps you to write your next beauty review! What do you usually include in your reviews? Have I missed anything?

2 Ways to Wear: The Mesh Tee

Saturday, 14 October 2017

I need to get a lot more use out of my mesh t-shirts, so today I decided to share with you just two ways you can style them. They are such an easy piece to wear, and if you're brave enough, they look amazing with a harness bra or sporty crop top on underneath them as well. I prefer to wear mine with a tank top underneath and so that's what I stuck with. I did intend on sharing a third outfit in this post but I actually ended up really disliking the look, so these are a couple of casual ways to wear your mesh tee. I picked up this piece from Forever 21 a few months back and the colour is to die for! It was a little clingy and staticy at first so to fight this I sprayed a lot of Febreeze on it and left it to dry.

For the first look I kept things pretty simple by throwing them on with  a pair of plain black culottes I bought from Boohoo. I think this is the look I'd choose to wear a crop top with as it's really casual and comfy, and tbh, anything beats wearing a proper bra these days haha. I wear my culottes with flat shoes and so I opted for my Converse and threw on this Primark velour bomber jacket on over the top. If you're looking for more inspo on how to style your culottes, check out this post.

This is my favourite way to wear the mesh tee - a chunky, padded bomber jacket (Primark); pointy ankle boots (Missguided) and black skinnies (Matalan). I wore this to meet a friend for drinks in July and it kept me super comfortable and relatively cosy all night. I'm obsessed with anything that's white (faux) leather and these boots are pretty much my life! I talked about them in a haul video back in August which you can check out here if you want, but I've worn them non-stop since I purchased them in April, and they've even beaten my old grey ankle boots as being my go-to-shoes and I lived in those things. 

I don't think you can go wrong with skinny jeans as they are so versatile and easy to dress up or down depending on the occasion. This tee is quite long so I prefer to have it tucked in. This would've also looked like a really nice outfit with a leather jacket as opposed to my bomber jacket if that's more your thing, but I adore this combination.

How do you like to style the mesh tee?

Stone Fox Without the Annoying Formula

Wednesday, 11 October 2017
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If there's one formula of lip product that I'm known to criticise, it's those pesky Liquid Suedes by NYX. The line-up is stunning - NYX have always been fairly well ahead in producing bold and unique shades in the drugstore, and the Liquid Suedes collection is no exception. There are sky-blues, a deep black, varying shades of purple and, my personal favourite, Stone Fox, a totally unique greenish bluish grey. 

It's unlike anything else I've ever seen before, and the colour stole my heart from the get-go. The downside? I find the Liquid Suede formula moves like nobody's business. It slips, it slides, it gets on my teeth and I end up with lipstick smears on my face when my hair gets stuck in it. I've spent a lot of time searching for an alternative, but the closest I've found so far is an offering from LA Splash, whose liquid lipstick formula I do not have a good history with (very dry, very crumbly). 

Then, I had some hope. NYX were launching lip liners to compliment a ton of their lip products - including their Liquid Suedes, so I made an order from ASOS of the Stone Fox lip liner thinking my life was complete - I'm no stranger to wearing a good lip liner on its own. Unfortunately the pencil is very dry and drags a lot, and whilst that may make for some good staying power, it just wasn't very flattering to see the slightest, smallest dry patch of my natural lips peeking through the grey colour. 

So then I decided to try adding something on top, and that something is the gorgeous NYX Matte Lipstick in the shade Haze - another product I nabbed from ASOS in that same order. Whilst I find the Matte Lipstick range to be somewhat drying, it seemed to be the antidote, the fix, to the Sahara Desert-like feel that struck my lips when loaded up with the Stone Fox pencil.

The result? A much more wearable formula that still has those unique Stone Fox vibes. While I'd still love a matte liquid lip version/dupe, I think this does a pretty similar job and also looks rad af. 

I've included a screenshot of the time I wore it in my very first vlog video so you can see for yourself! (I wouldn't stop talking long enough for me to get a still photo, so apologises for the less-than-perfect quality!)

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What do you think of the Stone Fox shade?